If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
