my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
NoShamevember. You game?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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