This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
