So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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