ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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