4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
a search helicopter?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
