My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
