So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
