And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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