wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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