Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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