And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
