I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
