An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
