We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
