Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
