nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
