I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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