WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
