I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
