im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
