Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
