Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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