fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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