I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
