If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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