Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
