I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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