If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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