just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Too much gin, very little bucket
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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