You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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