I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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