i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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