tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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