stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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