You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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