Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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