Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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