Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
