Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
