Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
