had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
as a side note pls kill me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
