even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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