fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
