I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
