My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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