I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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