Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
