That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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