First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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