good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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