yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
