Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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