I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
