What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
