onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
