Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
