apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize