Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
