The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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