There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
