Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize