why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
