I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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