dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
