if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
