he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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