it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
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