i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
