I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's Friday. Sex?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
