My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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