Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize