Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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