I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
