Your tits are I can't wait for
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
