You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
