she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
