i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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