He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
