If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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