I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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