Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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