she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
