I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
