I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
