just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
