I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
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if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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