just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
