Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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