Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
